One to mull over...

I'm still recovering from my Sunday. I'm sunburnt, sore, and possibly still drunk, but man... it was fun. So while I try to piece together and recap my weekend for you, here's a quick question:

Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?

I'm going to go with her:

Isn't Keri Russell pretty? She's quirky, funny, adorable, and she's got curly hair! Me in a nutshell. I've had a girl crush on her ever since Malibu Shores. I'm not quite sure how well she is at acting tipsy, but I'm willing to give her the chance to play me.

What about you guys?

...and that's 18 for you folks that are counting out there

I mean, seriously?! Another one? Doesn't your "hot pocket" (via Chelsea Handler), deserve just a bit of rest? What's this next one going to be called? Jericho? Jemima? Jesus?

I have a pain down there just even thinking about it...

Typical

My brother and the gf broke up (my early birthday wish came true!). However... he is now in cohorts with another lady. Seriously. The boy is always attached.

Maybe it's me? Is there something in my genes where I'm hopelessly single and my brother is constantly attached? Do you have friends out there that bounce from one relationship to the next? Am I the only one without dating prospect waiting in the wings? It just upsets me to think that some people can go from one love to the next and my love life resembles the Sahara desert. Ok, I'm whining. It's annoying. I hate being the "woe is me" girl. 

I love being single. Honestly. I love my freedom. I guess I'm just envious of people having more "options" than me.

Whatever.

P.S.- I'm totally pms-ing. Does it show? :-)

A Story in Pictures

Last week, I bought these: 

Hot, huh?

Except, last night I ate this:

2 of them. Mmmmm... so bueno.

And now I feel like this in my brand new jeans:

Blah. Was it worth it? Of course. Who can resist Jack-in-the-Crack?

I'm so going to be running a million miles tonight...

You Shy-a Devil You

Dear Shia,

If I ever see your parents, I'm totally going to give them a high-five. Well, I might slap them first for giving you a name that took me 2 months to finally be able to pronounce "right," but they definitely deserve a high five for the fine specimen you've become.

I mean, you went from this: 

To this:

Meow.

What? Don't believe me that you've gone from a caterpillar to a butterfly? Here's another one:

Mama needs a cold shower.

Honestly Shia, you're looking really good. I never thought you would have grown out of that Even Stevens stage... like EVER. You proved me wrong. Well done.

You're like a "normal" celebrity. You aren't going in and out of rehab like Lindsay Lohan and you aren't humping everything that moves like Paris Hilton. No, you just do really weird "normal" stuff that any American does: you get arrested for trespassing  in a Walgreens in Chicago while you were sober (allegedly). Even your screw ups are cute.

So Shia, I have a proposition for you. Leave the Hollywood life and come be my pool boy. You can tend to my (parent's) pool and I can watch you from the side, sipping a margarita, admiring the nice abs you acquired from working on the Indiana Jones movie. I might even let you have a sip of my drink, even though you're not 21 yet.

Oh crap.

I just looked on wikipedia... you're going to be 22 this year?! 

Well, that ruins my pool boy fantasy. 

Whatever... call me if you're ever in town.

 

Something is wrong here

A Ph.D. student is entrusting me today to watch her newborn baby, while she goes to a baby shower. How I got singled out as someone who's "responsible" enough to babysit, I'll never know. She's a Ph.D. student...I thought she would be smart about this.

Wish me luck.

I hope I don't break it.

Thank you sir, may I have another?

Ding Dong!

The witch is dead! Er...well gone, for now, at least.

The Baby Bro and the gf broke up. Hooray! However, the Baby Bro has decided to take it upon himself to "self medicate" and he drank himself into oblivion because he didn't want to think about all the heartache he's been going through. We (the parents and my brother) believe that he may have gotten alcohol poisoning 'cause he he was ill the past 4 days from it. What's that you say? Why yes! We are in fact a family of geniuses! Curly haired ones actually. 

Thus, this brings me to the time where I, in fact, "may" (pretty freaking sure) have gotten alcohol poisoning myself. 'Twas the night I got dumped via text message (how very Sex and the City post-it note-esque). That jackass was so "modern" and "hip" with technology (more on him another time). 

I looked at my phone, read the text, felt it give my ego a little pinch, and then proceeded to drink. A LOT. It's unfortunate that I can't remember the night... that's how out of control my drinking got. I can't even recall the flashes. All I remember was crawling up the stairs to my apartment after my friends dropped me off (nice friends, huh? I don't associate with them anymore). The Blonde said that when she got home, I was passed out in her bathroom and she was smacking me in order to wake me up. Allegedly. I don't recall.

I should have gone to the hospital that night. I was in bed for the next 4 days. I had bruises all over my body and a huge scratch on my neck in the shape of an L from where I apparently fell in the bushes. Now, it sounds like my brother went through the same pain and I really hope he's learned his lesson. That was one of my scariest drinking experiences I've ever had.

Have any of you had an incident like a breakup, that propels you to self medicate yourself to the point where you get into a scary situation?

P.S.- Sorry for such a serious post. It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one that makes bad decisions from time to time. However, I would like to note again.... the witch is gone! Hip hip hooray!