I messed up

So last week, a bunch of girlfriends and I went to a shopping extravaganza and we got a fat goodie bag for actually coming. I have liked all the stuff in it thus far. However, I think I might have created a bit of a doozy for myself this morning.

I was out of hair products and, as usual, I was running late this morning. So, after to trying desperately to shaking the remaining bit of gel out of the bottle, I gave up and decided to open up one of those freebie hair packages they gave us last week. I chose a pomade that "will hold easily" and "creates a fresh style." Well...they weren't kidding. 

I believe I put a bit too much on, but decided that it'll probably look better once it's dry. So, I went about my morning, getting dressed and eating some breakfast. Just as I was about to leave for work, I grabbed my hair dryer and got to it. However, as I was checking myself out in the mirror (what? like you don't do it?), I noticed that my hair wasn't drying. I touched it and all I felt was slime. In actuality, my hair was probably dry, but since the pomade was so caked on, it still looked the same as when it was wet. In essence, I look like this guy:

Except with greasy curls. Hot, huh?

So, now I'm sitting at my desk with my grease hair piled on top of my head and praying that no one comes looking for me today. I look like one of those sleazy club guys.

And the countdown to the shower continues....

One to mull over...

I'm still recovering from my Sunday. I'm sunburnt, sore, and possibly still drunk, but man... it was fun. So while I try to piece together and recap my weekend for you, here's a quick question:

Who would you want to play you in the movie of your life?

I'm going to go with her:

Isn't Keri Russell pretty? She's quirky, funny, adorable, and she's got curly hair! Me in a nutshell. I've had a girl crush on her ever since Malibu Shores. I'm not quite sure how well she is at acting tipsy, but I'm willing to give her the chance to play me.

What about you guys?

...and that's 18 for you folks that are counting out there

I mean, seriously?! Another one? Doesn't your "hot pocket" (via Chelsea Handler), deserve just a bit of rest? What's this next one going to be called? Jericho? Jemima? Jesus?

I have a pain down there just even thinking about it...

Typical

My brother and the gf broke up (my early birthday wish came true!). However... he is now in cohorts with another lady. Seriously. The boy is always attached.

Maybe it's me? Is there something in my genes where I'm hopelessly single and my brother is constantly attached? Do you have friends out there that bounce from one relationship to the next? Am I the only one without dating prospect waiting in the wings? It just upsets me to think that some people can go from one love to the next and my love life resembles the Sahara desert. Ok, I'm whining. It's annoying. I hate being the "woe is me" girl. 

I love being single. Honestly. I love my freedom. I guess I'm just envious of people having more "options" than me.

Whatever.

P.S.- I'm totally pms-ing. Does it show? :-)

A Story in Pictures

Last week, I bought these: 

Hot, huh?

Except, last night I ate this:

2 of them. Mmmmm... so bueno.

And now I feel like this in my brand new jeans:

Blah. Was it worth it? Of course. Who can resist Jack-in-the-Crack?

I'm so going to be running a million miles tonight...

You Shy-a Devil You

Dear Shia,

If I ever see your parents, I'm totally going to give them a high-five. Well, I might slap them first for giving you a name that took me 2 months to finally be able to pronounce "right," but they definitely deserve a high five for the fine specimen you've become.

I mean, you went from this: 

To this:

Meow.

What? Don't believe me that you've gone from a caterpillar to a butterfly? Here's another one:

Mama needs a cold shower.

Honestly Shia, you're looking really good. I never thought you would have grown out of that Even Stevens stage... like EVER. You proved me wrong. Well done.

You're like a "normal" celebrity. You aren't going in and out of rehab like Lindsay Lohan and you aren't humping everything that moves like Paris Hilton. No, you just do really weird "normal" stuff that any American does: you get arrested for trespassing  in a Walgreens in Chicago while you were sober (allegedly). Even your screw ups are cute.

So Shia, I have a proposition for you. Leave the Hollywood life and come be my pool boy. You can tend to my (parent's) pool and I can watch you from the side, sipping a margarita, admiring the nice abs you acquired from working on the Indiana Jones movie. I might even let you have a sip of my drink, even though you're not 21 yet.

Oh crap.

I just looked on wikipedia... you're going to be 22 this year?! 

Well, that ruins my pool boy fantasy. 

Whatever... call me if you're ever in town.

 

Something is wrong here

A Ph.D. student is entrusting me today to watch her newborn baby, while she goes to a baby shower. How I got singled out as someone who's "responsible" enough to babysit, I'll never know. She's a Ph.D. student...I thought she would be smart about this.

Wish me luck.

I hope I don't break it.