If I ever see your parents, I'm totally going to give them a high-five. Well, I might slap them first for giving you a name that took me 2 months to finally be able to pronounce "right," but they definitely deserve a high five for the fine specimen you've become.
I mean, you went from this:
To this:
Meow.
What? Don't believe me that you've gone from a caterpillar to a butterfly? Here's another one:
Mama needs a cold shower.
Honestly Shia, you're looking really good. I never thought you would have grown out of that Even Stevens stage... like EVER. You proved me wrong. Well done.
You're like a "normal" celebrity. You aren't going in and out of rehab like Lindsay Lohan and you aren't humping everything that moves like Paris Hilton. No, you just do really weird "normal" stuff that any American does: you get arrested for trespassing in a Walgreens in Chicago while you were sober (allegedly). Even your screw ups are cute.
So Shia, I have a proposition for you. Leave the Hollywood life and come be my pool boy. You can tend to my (parent's) pool and I can watch you from the side, sipping a margarita, admiring the nice abs you acquired from working on the Indiana Jones movie. I might even let you have a sip of my drink, even though you're not 21 yet.
Oh crap.
I just looked on wikipedia... you're going to be 22 this year?!
Well, that ruins my pool boy fantasy.
Whatever... call me if you're ever in town.
